Wednesday, February 17, 2016

A Couple Reasons Why Today is Going To ROCK

A Couple Reasons why today is going to ROCK!

It’s Thursday.  I know... it sucks.  but i’ve compiled a list of reasons why you can punch Thursday in the throat and laugh over it’s TPS report giving corpse

  1. you are a Badass. (if you are a girl, ... umm.... then you are a.... umm.... you know what? if you are a girl, just skip to number 2)  I mean, LOOK at you.  if you don't have a mirror, just go to Facebook and find a cool picture of you doing something cool... like maybe a cool backflip. you ARE coolness personified... it comes with the territory of being a badass.

  1. You don't have to watch any Shia LaBeouf movies (and waste your life).  You are likely trapped at work, and watching one of his abominations is probably a physical impossibility.  If you ARE somehow able to do this, or are funemployed, be the bigger person, you can CHOOSE not to de-base yourself today... which is a reason why today is going to rock.

  1. It’s not Monday... Fridays are overrated, and let’s face it; Wednesday’s somehow got called “hump day” and that’s weird.  It’s Thursday... good ol reliable thursday.

  1. Today, you are going to be CRAZY productive! after you stop reading blogs... and get your 3rd cup of coffee... and go to the bathroom... and finish writing your novel.

  1. you see that guy over there? he probably owes you money.  that’s right.  you heard me. why don't you think about putting him in a headlock.  how cool would THAT be? REALLY friggin TOM SELLECK in MAGNUM PI kind of cool. your mustache probably just got a growth spurt. it’s ok ladies... this is one of those times where you get to have a mustache too.

  1. Because here is a picture of Abraham Lincoln riding a bear
You're welcome


  1. Because you must remember: you can eat pizza when its hot OR cold.  yes, as a species we have come THAT far.

  1. you know what? Grammar doesn't really apply anymore.  oh yeah: you have free license to be a grammatical ninja.   Just remember these two phrases: “well, Shakespeare made up his own words!!!” and “the Greeks didn't even HAVE punctuation”.  Boom: you now have the power to obliterate the written english language.  do you feel that power?!?!? oohhhhh yeahhhhh.

  1. cheer up! they sell alcohol to just about anyone these days!

  1. because you are one crazy cultured mo-fo.  you probably have a cup in a drawer somewhere from someplace exotic and rare.  maybe it's a spoon... made of something platinum-ish.  Maybe you have a wall sized tapestry of  something so freaking cultured it arguably ended the slobbering reign of the philistines.  if none of that applies to you... your movie collection is probably pretty impressive... I bet you even alphabetized it, you stud!

  1. somewhere out there, there is probably a giant t-rex, with lazer eyes, battling with a giant robot.

  1. you can rest better KNOWING that next time someone pulls out of the 4 way stop, when it isnt their turn; you can gun the gas, then slam on the breaks and then give the person a look that says “i COULDAVE... but i CHOSE not to”.
    1. if this doesn't make your day GREAT... you may want to re-read #1 a few hundred times.

  1. Word on the street is that you are a spiffy dresser.  heck... you know how fashion trends go in circles? I bet wearing your socks with birkenstocks will be fashionable for the first time.  in which case: life just got a whole lot more comfy... finally.

If none of that worked... I bet friday will treat you better.  And if you REALLY need a pick me up... rest assured that i’m selling hugs for 100$.  yep... you heard me.  happiness is only a Benjamin away.

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