F my I (for my information)

let me ask you a simple question (or 4)

1.     have you ever felt the need to tell a person something, and at the same time insult/borderline emotionally accost someone?   

2.     have you ever wanted to step into a room and felt the need to demonstrate your "han solo-esque-ness" by giving off the air of being slightly cocky, with subtle earthy undertones of arrogance, combined with a lovely bouquet of charm?

3.     have you ever felt the need to describe what just happened to you after you watched a paul walker movie?

4.     have you ever felt that you have an over-abundance of that silly "job security"?

if any of these apply to you, the there is an 87.5% chance that using the phrase "F your I" (for your information) could have an explosive(ly funny) effect on your situation.  (readers note: Smilliam is not liable for any lawsuits of any kind which might come from the use of this phrase.  He only demands that you pay him a dollar each time you use it)

Personally, I fall into category 3 and 4. (as I’m sure we ALL do...)

For some reason, the filter that lets you speak like a normal/not-insane person gets turned off at work.  What seems to replace this filter, is the "let's say absolutely psychotic things that could get me fired" generator. 

This is what a proper functioning
human brain will tell you to do when
prompted to sarcastically answer
questions

Demonstrating the physics of "foot in mouth"
This his is what my ABNORMAL nerd
 brain does to me... pretty much on a
daily basis

Exhibit A): jokingly (in that kinda serious way) telling a person that you'd be happy to "show them the ropes" around work.  Oh yeah, this "person" is the same person who signs the checks of the guy who signs the checks of the guy who signs MY checks. Side-note: I was fully aware of who this person was.  Additional idiot-note: I had only been working at the company for a couple of months.  I will admit that perhaps wise king Solomon would have chosen a different action, but he also had over a thousand wives... so... ummm... I don’t feel bad about not doing EVERYTHING a suicidal guy does.

Exhibit B): I was writing an incredibly nerdy/awesome/informative email to pretty much everyone who has the power to fire me. After typing up the email, I realized that my heading of "FYI" wasn't actually correct... because it really was not only for ONE person's information, it was for EVERYONE's information.  but i really didn't think that anyone would get FEI... I mean: common... that just sounds like something that the evil Jar-Jar Binks would say.  So the next best thing to star the email with was obviously "F everyone's I" 

A normal/Smart person would simply think "tee-hee that's funny" and immediately delete this HR-nightmare phrase.  The unfortunate truth is that my unfiltered nerd brain let my mouse cursor rest over the "send" button before I paused, because my brain started working (only a little bit) enough to tell me that something seemed strange. As you may have already guessed, I wussed out and just started off the E-Mail with "Hi".  sigh... I feel like the guy who gets into the plane, sees the door open and THEN decides he doesnt want to skydive. 

F everyone's I: I still have a job... for now.  

F my I: due to quickly depleting friend supply, I may need to re-think this phrase's regularity in my conversations.