Good Ol' Fashioned Paranoia... and Shmelsey can come too

I've got a new hobby... I have discovered the joy of a little thing called "conspiracy theories" (they are the latest craze these days).  it's a totally normal and healthy hobby.  Apparently, all you have to do, is notice something random (probably innocent), and then delusionally freak out and believe that everyone is conspiring against you!  I am working on believing in aliens... but it looks like that is an "advanced maneuver" that is reserved for the most dedicated/elite conspirators.... rest assured i'll get there one day.

Don't worry: plenty of normal/healthy people have had that hobby... right before they go crazy, start thinking that the mailman works for communist Russia, and will stop at nothing to steal their toilet seats (which they will tell you was a wedding gift from Gabriel the Archangel), and go postal at the nearest bell-tower.  but of COURSE that's crazy... because communist Russia is totally just an imaginary conspiracy.

Today's target for coincidences chalked up as conspiracy is THE MAN.  THE MAN is trying to steal my blog... that's right... you heard me... read me... whatever.  THE MAN in this case is the Fox news cooperation.  And because they are THE MAN, i'm going to take this opportunity to stick it to them.  Here, i give you exhibit A

http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2011/05/18/best-car-survive-zombie-apocalypse/

o dear, something looks familiar: perhaps it was the blog i wrote about the zombie apocalypse back in february

http://marblesharpwill.blogspot.com/2011/02/preparing-for-zombie-apocalypse.html
(you should go ahead and click on that link a couple of times.  this will pad my blog stats and make me feel falsely warm/fuzzy about myself.  shallow, i admit, but totally worth it)

But i've gotta admit... i would totally drive one of these babies around during the Zombie Apocalypse... probably when zombies werent around too.... (does that make me a redneck? the jury is still out on that question)



Anyways, enough about Smilliam's blog insecurity...(I am a rock... but a rock that will accept pity $20 bills).  I know what you are thinking right now: what could my blog have to offer THE MAN?  It is mostly nerdy... really has no direction... is sporadically posted at best... and doesn't have a league of talented writers to bail it out when Smilliam cant think of anything good to write about.  In my opinion, this last part carries the most weight (because words are Sherpas? Sheesh: i never knew that words were so lazy).  If you were going to copy someone's stuff... 

A) why not at least steal from someone who actually knows how to write well?  seriously... for the longest time, i really didnt know what an "adverb" was... until i broke the word down into "a" and "dverb" then it made total sense to me... I was going to fail my English Class.  to further prove my point without spell check... i'd be up siht creek.

2) Dont steal from someone who is torn because while he doesnt LIKE his ideas being stolen... he DOES like that the people who stole it checked out his blog... padding his stats even more, and are turning him into a completely conceited nerd... (dangerous combination... trust me.  such a person might look like this)

D) steal from a guy who doesn't reference random movies like "home alone" in subtle ways which often go unnoticed

So, have i gone psychotic? Perhaps.  But i have read enough of Orwell's "1984" and Rey's "Curious George" saga to know that this is a classic case of Big Brother/The MAN (sometimes with a yellow hat)/Corporation/Industry/zombies/Paul walker, using their big money and evil ways to try and destroy everything i hold dear... like the electronic storage of my poorly put together word things (blog), or movies... no wait.. that one was just Paul Walker. 

If they write an article about Paul Walker... Will will be willing to overlook this whole zombie mess.

oh: and P.S.  I told Shmelsey that i would put her in my blog.  And these last 3 sentences are dedicated ENTIRELY to her...  And now i dont feel bad getting a free haircut from her because of a bet she lost to me.