do marketing people ACTUALLY know what they are doing?

just saw a UPS commercial...
'UPS will be able to successfully turn Davids into Goliaths."
There is a small chance that someone fell asleep in their Sunday school class.  The last time i checked, David killed Goliath.  not only that, but If memory serves correctly, Davie didn't only kill him... but he decapitated him after putting a rock to his dome-piece.  He did that is after he called him a sissy in front of the two entire armies.  Am i to understand that UPS is trying to make me into a Goliath? Is this something I want?  Should i be scared of UPS? Are THEY the David? Are they going to decapitate me?

i can only assume that there are very smart marketing people with smart marketing science things that involve psychology-stuff and various case studies (which apparently the study of various cases is often important when you are trying to make an irrefutable point while arguing with someone). and these smart-case-studying people have determined that the commercials that i watch on TV are best suited to speak to me on a deeper level.  On this deeper level exists complicated emotions like "William WANT".  And by "deep" level, i just mean that there is a lot of it.

The demographic that I am a part of has been studied and scrutinized to an unhealthy level and we have been deemed to be idiots.  This explains, the steady stream of commercials that are so retarded, that it makes me question my own intelligence.  After a commercial, i find myself wondering "Maybe i AM stupid! I'm sitting here, waiting for the hidden/valuable meaning behind the 30 seconds of wasted life, maybe I'm just not smart enough to understand the "Go Daddy" commercials."

You may not have seen the commercials i'm talking about, but i'm sure you know what i'm talking about. These commercials are 30 seconds long (my demographic also has ADD), and for all i know, they are not even trying to sell me anything.  The sad part is that I honestly have no idea what the company "Go Daddy" does, and i have seen about 30 of their commercials.  The easiest conclusion i can come up with is that I MUST be an imbecile if a profitable company, which is in the upper echelon of companies (they do, after all have commercials on the super bowl), spends millions upon millions of dollars on a commercial, and i just don't get it.  I mean: someone REALLY wants to tell me something and i apparently don't even speak the same language as them. 

here is a classic example.  How could something so simple be so hard to understand? it's HEAD ON.  i know This because they said it about 49 times in 20 seconds.  it's like that had an auctioneer saying it for them.  I understand how to use it... you apparently apply it directly to the head, but should i feel awkward for wondering if anyone knows WHY i should be applying it directly to my head? If someone repeated that commercial, verbatim, on the street, i would actually start to wonder if they wanted to fight with me.  "alright, punk... let's go... head on! you just TRY to apply something directly to my forehead!"

i feel like a good next commercial, would immediately follow the "head on" commercial, and be tailored to all the people who are incredibly annoyed with "head on". 

"Milwaukee hammers! apply directly to forehead! You wont have to remember the "head on" commercial after use! So good, that it is the preferred tool of serial killers everywhere!"

commercials make me feel kinda like I'm in a foreign country, and someone is yelling at you in a language that I don't understand.  All I can do is sit there and wonder: am I an idiot for not being able to understand this? or is that person an idiot for continually yelling at me even though i have no idea what he's saying?