my Christmas list

So, my sister Tirzah just sent me her christmas list in response to my last post.  Rightfully so, she was probably terrified that i'd try to buy her clothes or something (she didnt want to have to destroy me... she is a good sister).  I thought her christmas list was a great idea! so: i sent my entire family my christmas list! here is the e-mail i sent. (ps: only AFTER i sent it, did i feel a little bit like calvin)

CHRISTMAS LISTS!!! GREAT idea, Tirz!!! i LOVE these things!  when it comes to GIVING gifts... i may be a bit retarded... but i am a pro at WANTING things.  dont worry too much though... i'll hold back a little bit, because: "Ferrari" might be a bit to intense for this list

1) a HEMP BRACELET FROM MY LITTLE SISTER ELYSE.  it's ok: i'm not going to name any names, or single anyone out... i suppose anyone could pick one of these up for me... (but if we were all in a room, i'd be staring at elyse right now)

2) a vita-mix (i know... this basically falls in the "ferrari" category... but if you dont aim big, you wont ever win big).  this would revolutionize my "putting the least amount of work into preparing food" mentality.  I would no longer even have to CUT things... with those silly/cumbersome knives... i'll merely throw things into a big jar, press a button and DRINK IT.  My new "high of the day" will be something like this "i just got a vita-mix, and for dinner, i drank a chicken"

3) maybe a sweet fold up bathroom bag that will keep all my bathroom stuff segregated, unlike my current mini-sack, which allows my toothbrush to be next to the bottle of shampoo that just exploded from mountain elevation pressure changes.  i mean: i DO love it when it gets so hot that my deodorant melts over my comb, but i think my conditioner is starting to get jealous that it's not getting enough attention, and this is my diplomatic move to keep the bathroom world at peace.

4) some sort of travel duffel bag.  because the hobo "tying things to a stick" method is a bit overrated... trust me.

5) LOVE (yes, this is a clear indication that i'm running out of ideas)

6) a hardback copy of "the scottish chiefs" by Jane Porter, because manly reading about the manly men of manly scotland (which apparently involves a lot of stuff/people dying) is pretty cool... in that manly man kinda way

7) I need a horn for my motorcycle (and not the toy-squeeze-type clown honker horn either) like the real deal.  because i'm pretty sure it's illegal to ride without one.  and while i do enjoy being a rebel and sticking it to the man as much as i can (as i'm sure we all do), this law of "you have to have a horn" falls under the same category of laws as "dont drive on the train tracks"... it's a law that i actually agree with.  because APPARENTLY trains dont play "chicken" very well...

8) off road car stuff.  the question of "how much should i lift my car" has the same answer to the question "how much horsepower does my car need" ... the answer is MORE. 

9) a hook up on a $50 used snowboard or something... because believe it or not, this is a step up from my $25 snowboard that i use right now.

10) any fancy looking book that you guys like (actually, it doesnt have to be fancy, but i figured i'd ask, because i'm TOTALLY a sucker for those overly-sophisticated looking libraries)  i know i'll never become too vain from too many leather bound books, because my book SHELF is basically step up from a wanton concoction of cardboard and cinder-blocks.  if the landfill had it's own bookshelf, it'd probably look like mine.  side note about books: i have a hard time staying into the books that dont have sweet stories... i know this this childish, but unfortunately true.  i KNOW that the book "how to become a jedi knight without even searching for yoda" might be an AMAZING how-to/self help book, but realistically the book would really just help me kick-start naptime.  Now that i think about it... i actually DO want that book... just for the bragging rights to say i have that book... nope, just checked, google says it doesnt exist.

11) NOT socks and/or underwear.  This is not a trick.  these items are actually running rampant throughout drawers, closets and laundry piles alike, in my disaster zone of a room.  It’s like a hurricane of socks has hit my room, and separated shirt from matching pants for probably the rest of their lives.  It’s more of a tragic story.  These articles of clothing are everywhere.  And they are multiplying.  Sometimes I fear that they will take over my room and overthrow me as “tyrannical dictator of the room”.  I now sleep with a nightlight.  Moral of the story.  Will wishes from santa to NOT have any more socks/underwear: because he is thinking about hiring an elite squad of mercenaries to re-establish order in the chaotic sock-infested room of mine

ok: that's all i can think of for now... hope it helps anyone who was getting angry about how they didnt know what to shop for.  feel free to send me your lists too!