A Couple Reasons Why Today is Going To ROCK

A Couple Reasons why today is going to ROCK!

It’s Thursday.  I know... it sucks.  but i’ve compiled a list of reasons why you can punch Thursday in the throat and laugh over it’s TPS report giving corpse

1. you are a Badass. (if you are a girl, ... umm.... then you are a.... umm.... you know what? if you are a girl, just skip to number 2)  I mean, LOOK at you.  if you don't have a mirror, just go to Facebook and find a cool picture of you doing something cool... like maybe a cool backflip. you ARE coolness personified... it comes with the territory of being a badass.

2. You don't have to watch any Shia LaBeouf movies (and waste your life).  You are likely trapped at work, and watching one of his abominations is probably a physical impossibility.  If you ARE somehow able to do this, or are funemployed, be the bigger person, you can CHOOSE not to de-base yourself today... which is a reason why today is going to rock.

3. It’s not Monday... Fridays are overrated, and let’s face it; Wednesday’s somehow got called “hump day” and that’s weird.  It’s Thursday... good ol reliable thursday.

4. Today, you are going to be CRAZY productive! after you stop reading blogs... and get your 3rd cup of coffee... and go to the bathroom... and finish writing your novel.

5. you see that guy over there? he probably owes you money.  that’s right.  you heard me. why don't you think about putting him in a headlock.  how cool would THAT be? REALLY friggin TOM SELLECK in MAGNUM PI kind of cool. your mustache probably just got a growth spurt. it’s ok ladies... this is one of those times where you get to have a mustache too.

6. Because here is a picture of Abraham Lincoln riding a bear

You're welcome

7. Because you must remember: you can eat pizza when its hot OR cold.  yes, as a species we have come THAT far.

8. you know what? Grammar doesn't really apply anymore.  oh yeah: you have free license to be a grammatical ninja.   Just remember these two phrases: “well, Shakespeare made up his own words!!!” and “the Greeks didn't even HAVE punctuation”.  Boom: you now have the power to obliterate the written english language.  do you feel that power?!?!? oohhhhh yeahhhhh.

9. cheer up! they sell alcohol to just about anyone these days!

10. because you are one crazy cultured mo-fo.  you probably have a cup in a drawer somewhere from someplace exotic and rare.  maybe it's a spoon... made of something platinum-ish.  Maybe you have a wall sized tapestry of  something so freaking cultured it arguably ended the slobbering reign of the philistines.  if none of that applies to you... your movie collection is probably pretty impressive... I bet you even alphabetized it, you stud!

11. somewhere out there, there is probably a giant t-rex, with lazer eyes, battling with a giant robot.

12. you can rest better KNOWING that next time someone pulls out of the 4 way stop, when it isnt their turn; you can gun the gas, then slam on the breaks and then give the person a look that says “i COULDAVE... but i CHOSE not to”.
1. if this doesn't make your day GREAT... you may want to re-read #1 a few hundred times.

13. Word on the street is that you are a spiffy dresser.  heck... you know how fashion trends go in circles? I bet wearing your socks with birkenstocks will be fashionable for the first time.  in which case: life just got a whole lot more comfy... finally.

If none of that worked... I bet friday will treat you better.  And if you REALLY need a pick me up... rest assured that i’m selling hugs for 100$.  yep... you heard me.  happiness is only a Benjamin away.

"PREGOMNIA" (preggo-insomnia)

Insomnia.

Have you ever wondered what insomnia was like? Yeah, me neither, but it was FORCED on me, so I’m going to FORCE it on you too. But in a totally non-creepy way that doesn't involve me physically altering your sleep patterns. Actually, the best I can really hope for here, is some level of emotional scarring that is both sleep depriving, and inadmissible in a court of law.

In my professional experience as a “mostly dad” person, there are a few different types of un-sleep-osis.

1. the “holy crap! for some reason, I’m not only as alert as a hawk, but I’m thinking about EVERYTHING that has ever been thought of EVER.” type of insomnia. I also like to call this type of insomnia “NESTING”. It's your brain on a special overdrive... “PREGGODRIVE”
1. kim is amazing. In fact, I’ll take it one step further: she is basically a better person than me in every way that i can think of.  But, good God... Which hormone is responsible for this “nesting” thing? An impulse so powerful you develop an unstoppable hunger which forces your husband to paint the INSIDE of the closet.  THE INSIDE, people!!! IT'S A CLOSET!!! that’s where you throw things you DON'T want to see!!! WHY AM I PAINTING IT THEN?
2. In the distant future, the really smart scientists with the samsung brand clipboards are going to tell us the nesting hormone is cousin to the “I need 50 minutes to find the right outfit” hormone and CLOSELY related to the “I’m laughing and crying at the same time” hormone

2. the “oh my God, the baby is trying to birth herself through the side of my stomach” type of insomnia. I only have 2 logical explanations of why our baby would choose this escape route.... at the burglar’s hour.
1. She has decided to grow up to be a kickboxer.  (don't worry... I’ll still show all the boys the guns, she’ll just be the one who kills them)
2. she probably heard her mom and me talking about Chris Farley’s ChippenDales skit... and she is really into that type of physical comedy
1. 
2. He’s got nothing on the baby...

3. the “i cant sleep,,, because i have to pee ALL THE TIME” type of insomnia
1. while this seems like a straightforward type of insomnia, I must warn you... pee really does happen all the time.. ALL THE TIME. Additionally, it’s best to think of this type of insomnia kinda like the “gateway drug” to all the other types of insomnia.
1. need to empty your thimble sized bladder at 2AM? good, because that reminded your baby to target your weak spot, similar to a velociraptor (in this case it’s your belly button).   good luck trying to spend the rest of the night trying to hold back a little fist from shooting out of your stomach!!!
2. side note.  all babies come out really cute... probably because they are burning off all their extra evil while in the womb

4. and there is another one, but usually it happens in between 2-430, and I honestly don't remember pretty much ANY of it. I think it has something to do with pretzels... or manhattan... I don't know.

so: yeah... insomnia. from the dad’s perspective. consider these beans spilled.

It's Daddy Time!!! (don't take that the wrong way... I'm taken)

I love to write. Like really: I have a passion (if there was a “clueless” font, it would have been written in ITALICS right there... or maybe bold... and luckily, you don't have to BE a good writer to LOVE it).  But upon prompt and aggressive soul searching: I have to believe that this passion comes from my overwhelming love of this new gadget/keyboard attachment for my current favorite mobile device/toy.  And while I’m at it, I guess I could try to chronicle this whole “being a dad” thing that i’m going through.  Also, someone should try “aggressive soul searching” sometime.  Also, take video.

technically I’m a dad... I’ve been a pretty amazing one for a little over 2 trimesters, if I do say so myself.  My wife would agree with me, but she’s a little “preoccupied” with the whole “carrying a child in her tummy” and trying to force feed me alcohol so she can live vicariously through me.

you see this guy? he looks totally ready to be a dad. (post force feeding picture)

But practically, I’m just a dude... literally watching a production WAY more entertaining than a soap opera, MUCH more frightening than a horror movie and at times, so, SO much more swearing than gangsta’ rap with tourrets.

I have had front row seating to really, awesomely weird people, (I’m talking about the “tinfoil hat”, or the “you probably ride unicycles” kind of weird) that apparently hide in closets until someone becomes pregnant. There have been aliens.  There have been aliens that try to punch you in the face when you when you are politely/lovingly saying ‘hi little alien’ to them. I’ve been to that one class that made me really wonder if having sex was a good idea. I have read the horrifying books.  I have PLAYED the “pregnant card”, FOR my wife so much, I almost feel like I should be pregnant. HA! I’m actually lying. I don't EVER want to be pregnant. It looks too hard, and i’m lazy, and i have too many holes I love enough to keep intact.

And now, low and behold: I have a keyboard. Which means this little sitcom i’m living in right now (and I’m apparently also the laugh track) NEEDS to be crystallized, before it is all forgotten, due to sleep deprivation and a slow war of attrition between grown, college educated adults and a screaming infant.  I’ve seen what insomnia can do to a person’s brain... it makes you boss your husband around, and make him go to the store at 3:00 am and buy some damn PICKLES that AREN'T EVEN THERE. Side note people: Insomnia is tragic and can happen to anyone, but especially if you are a cute blondie named Kim. But i hear it also makes you forgetful... and THAT’S where I draw the line.

anyways... no need to spill all the beans here... there will be PLENTY of time for bean spilling. It's just that this whole pregnancy/parent/kid experience is WAY too entertaining to just let it fly by.

Trying to get a video game sequel... CONTINUED...

Whelp... turns out that people actually read eccentric emails ... AND RESPOND (click here to read the first one I sent).  Well, let's just ride this gravy train and see where it takes us... Oh, and there are some Ol' Greg references in there too... because... what else am I supposed to do with all my useless knowledge?

ummmm... YES.  why do we need to wait for the Zombie Apocalypse
to start using chainsaws?  Sigh... i LOVE this game

________________________________________

From: Greg R**** <g******@doublefine.com>
to me, Double, Double


Haha, we totally agree! THE WORLD NEEDS MORE FULL THROTTLE!! Glad you dig it man.

________________________________________


From: William McDonald
to Greg, Double, Double

Dearest Gregory,

Or is it Sir Gregory? It probably is... because you probably ARE that classy. I wouldnt DARE to try to guess what EXACTLY you have done to impress the queen-o'-the-Brits so much that she would KNIGHT you... but I lied: I AM going to guess. Was it your James Bond style "world-rescue" escapades? Perhaps the sheer number of minions you have under your sway? Or even your ability to drink Baileys from a boot? You know what? Never-mind... I dont want MI6 to put a hit out on me because I have inadvertently uncovered Her Majesty's top Bailey's-Boot-drinking, minion wielding, Mo-Fo. Obviously: I digress.

Purpose of this email? I suppose it is time for good ol-fashioned brainstorming. What is it going to take to uncork a can of Full Throttle on the world (again)? Let me break it down for you.

First: you might be wondering why you would have to uncork a can... and my response? You are breaking the rules of brainstorming "all ideas are good ideas here"... especially mine (unless you are going to send some minions to break my legs for my "attitude problem"... in which case: your ideas are probably great too).

But here's what I'm thinking: a parade. a HUGE parade. I hear SF loves its parades... which is perfect... because our REAL goal would be a RIOT... which every city, ever, apparently loves. A riot with an alarming amount of motorcycles doing wheelies. I'm thinking: "critical mass" meets "Giants won the world series". Bonus: We'll probably even get free TV's out of all the looting taking place!

You see, once the population discovers how awesome motorcycles are (via our wheelie-riot) they will DEMAND for a video game to help capture the sheer awesome-ness-ism that they are feeling. A small percentage of population might even explode due to over-exposure to awesome. History books will write stories of the awesploded people who ignited the fuse of this legendary video game. Fear not... we will most likely be rewarded handsomely for our endeavors (or do jail time). You will probably get knighted again and become a DOUBLE Sir Gregory. Small detail: I will probably need to borrow a large portion of your minions to pull this off.

You may also want to let your PR department in on this brainstorming session. I'm not really sure if they have explored some of my "progressive" riot-style marketing techniques... and my plan IS pretty rubber bullet proof (HA! did you see what I did there?!?! a play on words!!!)... but given the right direction... they might be able to run with some of our ideas. Also, riots are going to be a great way for them to Publicly Relate with all the future customers and get free TV's. Plus, they'll get to ride motorcycles! Win Win Win!

Anyways, Let me know when we need to start rallying minions/motorcycles/mapping out the stores we need to loot!

Sincerely
Emperor McDonald (I recently got a promotion)

WHEELIES!!!

Trying to get a sequel to the best game... EVER.

Recently, whilst feeling rambunctious... I decided to write a letter to the guy (Tim Schafer) who came up with the game "full throttle".

TRY and tell me your testosterone levels didnt just spike...

Honestly, this game is the reason I ride motorcycles.  It is probably the reason I have played EVERY Tim Schafer game ever.  It's probably the reason I have spent so much time playing video games instead of being a valuable asset to society.  I have so much to blame this game for.

Anyways, below is the letter I sent to his company, requesting (sometimes very strongly) a sequel. There are some references to the game itself in the letter, so I'll post comments (that werent part of the original letter) to help understand those references in (RED).

________________________________________________________________________

SUBJECT: Super ridiculously important message for Tim Schafer... or the next best person with his athourity to make video games From: Will McDonald <stupendousman.will@gmail.com>
to info, pr

Preface... sorry this is long winded... but I umm.... lost Tim's personal email... because... ummm... I talk to a lot of famous people? and lose their contact info? please? Anyways, this is intended for Tim, or if he is just some patsy, (I KNEW IT!!!) please replace Tim's name for the name of whomever REALLY calls the shots around there. thanks oodles!

Dear Mr. Legendary Tim Schafer (esquire? I feel like there should be an esquire in there somewhere... because that's classy)

Chapter 1: REALLY REALLY RIDICULOUSLY GOOD INTRO

Hello, my name is Lord William McDonald II, and we have some things to discuss.  Just to start off: NO, I’m not going to “just say what I have to say CONCISELY and in a structured grammatical order”, because I really think that would “short change” the ranting which has been pent up for a while now... but mostly because I’m pretty terrible at grammar and written structure/rhetoric.  But seriously; from one “Lord” to a “Mr Legendary”... level with me for a minute:

THE REAL Chapter 1: UNNECESSARY BACKSTORY

I’m not quite sure if you know this, but there was once this “heavy metal” motorcycle game called “Full Throttle” that pretty much exploded my 10 year old brain... in a good way... if that’s possible.  My 10 year old Life goals stopped being: “becoming an astronaut”, having 7 girlfriends at a time, and world domination, and instead they turned into hell bent desires of popping wheelies (in retrospect: not quite as cool on a bicycle), forming a biker gang (don't worry, all my girlfriends could come), and world domination (but this time with motorcycles) (the game was obviously about biker gangs).  Oh, I was willing to make the necessary sacrifices: I’d move out to some post apocalyptic, Mad-Max style wasteland (the GOOD mad max movies though, not the trashy one where Tina Turner has that creepy mullet-mohawk... I mean: I have standards) ("wasteland" was the game's setting). Naturally, I would have to partake in my share of motorcycle gang fights, and ok... fine...  I was willing to stop going to elementary school so I could focus on these IMPORTANT things.

Chapter 2: CURRENT “BLOWN  OUT OF PROPORTION” LIFE/DEATH PREDICAMENT

Fast forward to the present.  It turns out, that it’s best to avoid apocalyptic wastelands like Nevada’s nuclear test sites or Bakersfield, CA...  Not ONE of the motorcycles I have built contains a pre-regulation, destroyer-class, solid-fuel recoil booster... and I have played all 3 hours of “Full Throttle” a MOL number of times (that was me testing the water with chemistry jokes. Let me know if it works or not... I also have DOS jokes, and\or LARP’ing jokes to use as backup) (the game is absurdly short).  But to this day... there has been no “Full Throttle: F*$#ING AWESOME” sequel (dibs on copywriting that title).  

Witty/Related anecdote: I have studied the mysteries of the universe: “the origins of life itself”, Quantum physics, Girls and their mood swings, but “no Full Throttle sequel?” that doesn't even make sense!  I understand that there are trivial legal matters like “ licensing rights” and “intellectual property” but surely, this is no match for a “Mr. Legendary... Esquire” (... common... you KNOW that “esquire” has a nice ring to it).  And as a 100% self-entitled “LORD”... I DEMAND to be heard and make the severity of the issue known! The world needs... no no... the UNIVERSE needs... more Full Throttle.

Chapter 3: SOLUTIONS!!!

ok, fine! I will be silenced for 20$... I take credit cards.

Chapter 4: REAL SOLUTIONS!!!

Drink whiskey... lots of whiskey... because I like the taste due to the probable lack of more “full throttle” in today’s society

Chapter 5: REALLY... REAL SOLUTIONS!!!!

Fine! so the “solutions” chapters might be a bit weak... and i’m probably going to do chapter 4 anyways... also I’m honestly a little better at pointing out problems than fixing them... but when has constructive criticism ever helped anyone? It didn't save the world from SEVEN GOD-AWFUL “Fast and the Furious” movies!!! It didn't save Mr. Lucas from 3 abominations of prequel star wars movies!!!  But speaking of Mr Lucas... I hear his former company isnt really making too many adventure games... mayhaps there is an opportunity to take over the world snatch a licence or two... mayhaps you can continue your streak of “awesome” with a sequel... mayhaps i’m really getting a kick out of the word “mayhaps”.  And don't worry: for all that “legal nonsense”: i’m prepared to put my Legal Team all over this one... at no expense* (that’s just how us “Lords” roll, I guess).

*in this scenario, the aforementioned “no expense” hereby implies Lord McDonald acquiring all ownership over everything, everywhere

Chapter 6: ABSURDLY CONVINCING CONCLUSION

I’m sure someone as legendary as yourself really doesn't need me to spell this out... but you know what i’m getting at here... you should probably bribe me for $40**, which will silence me forever***.  Ooooorrrrr we could just make another Full Freaking Throttle game (also dibbs on title royalties on THAT title...).  Don't be too taken aback by any legal hurdles, my legal team has kept VILLAINS out of prison... but now that I think about they did end up dying... but don't worry... you probably wont. :) and making this video game will probably be worth it.

**the 20 dollars was a “limited time”, chapter 3 price... you missed the “blowout sale” on silence due to the lack of timely bribing

***forever ≤ 3 days

Chapter 7: P.S.’s and Such

so, when looking for an email to send this letter to, I stumbled across your “FAQ page”... but I’m going to send this anyways... because being obnoxious is all that you have left me with.

let me know if you need a mailing address for that $100 dollars you have all but promised me.

Love,

Lord McDonald

The story of Ultra-Nerd Will and Beautiful Lady Kim

So I was digging through my old documents, and found one that Kim asked me to write when we were creating our "how we met" page on our wedding website. if you dont have time to read all those cumbersome words below: here is the cliff notes version.  

1) Kim is really REALLY beautiful.  

2) Will Shmilliam is a nerd. 

3) Shmilliam Will is CRAZY in love with Kim. 

4) Will is pretty awesome... you should probably give him $20.

so: here goes:

The story of Ultra-Nerd Will and Beautiful Lady Kim

So, there once was this nerd... for storytelling purposes, let’s call him “Shmilliam”... He was uber proud of his nerd abilities, and not really aware of his... well... let’s be honest: he really wasnt aware of anything around him.  

One day, when Shmilliam was at work, off in his own little oblivious world, a ray of sunshine (This is nerd-code for a really cute blonde girl) walked by his cube at work.  Let’s first understand something about this “Shmilliam” character: he was crazy about this girl, the SECOND he saw her... like: he was probably drooling a little, which is what nerds sometimes do when in the presence of smokin’ hot girls, but this was DIFFERENT.

Now, Shmilliam will tell you that he “played it cool” when she walked by his desk... but lets be real: when she was about to leave (and actually go do work), after talking to him for 30 min, he started telling really crappy jokes to get her to stay and talk to him for longer.  Even though it was a success and his ray of sunshine stayed for another 15 min, (Shmilliam will tell you that this is due to his amazing “knock knock” jokes, and witty references to the Star Wars Trilogy) the sad fact is that Shmilliam is forever going to have to live with the fact that he asked about the WEATHER for small talk... yes, that happened.

30 seconds after she left, Shmilliam was in full blown stalker mode, which is a good thing and a bad thing.  The good thing is that he found out that they both PROFOUNDLY LOVED to play air guitar (oh yes, this girl was THAT awesome), the bad thing is that 1) stalking is creepy, and that 2) he found out she had a boyfriend. Needless to say: he wore a frowny face for the rest of the day... the one with the squiggly line for a mouth.

Sigh... GAME OVER, Shmilliam... (he didnt even stand a CHANCE!)

fast forward about 2 call of duty game releases later...

Shmilliam was living the nerd high life... he was having extravagant adventures to his hearts content, he had obtained a bright yellow truck of awesomeness, and had already become a 4th degree Foosball master (you should be impressed... at how poorly Shmilliam spent his free time).   

Then, in the vast corridors of the nerdy place where Shmilliam worked... he caught yet ANOTHER glimpse of his ray of sunshine (still code for “hot blonde babe”).  THIS time he DID play it cool... and didnt force her to talk to him for 45 minutes... that came later on that day when they found out how easy it was to talk to each other at work. But, oh, did he put out the vibe. I’m talking: “batting of the eyes”, flipping his hair... pantine pro-v style, even dropping hints at what an amazing air guitarist he was.

Oh yeah: THAT happened

One motorcycle date later, Shmilliam realized that something was different about this girl: she wasnt like the rest.  The fact that he played video games (which he currently proclaims to be quitting), drove an incredibly obnixious yellow truck, and was constantly breaking the strings of his air guitar, didnt push her away, it just gave them more reasons to be together.

This girl skipped into Shmilliam’s nerd world and shattered it around him. When he realized what happened, He looked around, and found that this boy named Will had fallen helplessly in love with a beautiful woman named Kim.  And he was happy.

How to be a musical snob

as a quasi professional music snob, i understand the shocking amount of skill and taste i have, even though i can play an instrument about as well as i can play golf, or basketball, or call of duty, or football or any “real” sport. ok, so maybe the lack of “popular kid” skills has made me the musical monster that i am today, but oh boy, can i snob the crap out of a record store.  so snobbish, in fact, let me tell you how to be a CORRECT musical snob.

1) listen to music that no one has heard of.  

This is the basis for all snob-ish-ness. If the person you are being a musical jerk to begins to question your musical taste at all, this is where you and your plethora of bands that probably recorded themselves in their garage will shine.

when you are asserting your musical dominance, feel free to liberally use the phrases,

• "they only believe in recording once every four years”
• “they draw their influences heavily from (and then just list off a german word or two... like volkswagen, maybe)”
• "they are big in the underground scene" or
• "wouldnt taint their art to go mainstream".

those last two are very important to bring up when someone questions your music prowess, because it not only tells them that you know so much more than they do, but that they are idiots/captialist pigs for not knowing this information.

2) memorize a couple musical nerd sounding words, and insert them into phrases.  

example: “i really appreciate the headbangers tonality of the truncated disharmony in the key of E minor”  

if you dazzle the poor fool you are talking to with gibberish, they wont be able to process the illogical paradoxes that are sinking your metaphorical music-ship.

3) feel free to insinuate personal deficiencies with someone who doesnt agree with you.

this is especially useful to bring into play when you start talking to someone who ACTUALLY knows something about music.  for example, a music major might respond to that last statement saying “but you cant have disharmony in the key of E... it would just sound like someone pounding on the piano... or worse: techno”

What you have to understand, is that at this point, you are on dangerous ground with any pretty girls that you were hoping to share a vanilla shake with.  Everyone around instantly realizes the poop that is coming out of your mouth... like Paul Walker, trying to act in whatever movie he tried to act in.

It’s best if you immediately attack the personal character of this clearly more-knowledgable person.  ask them if they ALWAYS feel obligated to do EVERYTHING that the MAN tells them to do.  Make subtle suggestions that this is the EXACT kind of thing that the RECORD COMPANIES say, and hint that somewhere, a poor helpless child started listening to the “Black Eyed Peas” because of what they just said... they should be ashamed of themselves.  For added effect, make sure to say “RECORD COMPANIES” with the same face that you would make when you ate a lemon that isnt ripe or some of my fiancee’s plain greek yogurt .

4) Generally, just hate every type of music that everyone else likes

oh, this one is KEY.  if you constantly find zero middle ground with anyone who talks to you, one of two things will happen,

a) you will be put on a pedestal, similar to a rock god, or a rolling stones editor.  your condescension will be like praise to those of “lesser musical stature” and the slightest bit of praise will be like spring to the long winter of the recipient’s soul... probably.

b) you may end up losing a person to talk to.  but is this really bad? did you WANT to talk to someone whose influences actually consisted of “The MONKEYS”?!?!?!?!?! it’s best to just let some people go their own way, even if they are headed towards certain disaster. they'll probably be drooling over the next Creed album or something. yes: staying away from this dysfunctional person is probably best

If possible, make THIS face when
listening to someones favorite band

Make sure to clarify that you hate EVERYTHING someone else listens to, 5% because you question their hygiene, and 2546% because your expectations are just set ridiculously/impossibly high. to bend on these MORAL/CORE beliefs of yours would be like peeing in your bubble bath... it’s something you JUST DON'T DO (but it’d be ok to insinuate that they indeed might).  This means you get to say things like “there has never been a truly ‘pure’ album recorded since Bob Dylan” (oh, and always speak of Bob Dylan like you would speak of Zeus, father of the greek gods).  

Hating everything also serves to distance yourself from everyone else, so they wouldn't be able to see that buried beneath your impressive collection of vinyl, there is a good chance that you have some Brittany Spears in there somewhere.

5) always gravitate towards an extreme

being a snob is not for the feint of heart.  you need to either go towards one extreme or the other.  there is no middle ground.  middle ground is for softies, like John Denver.  

God help you if you own something with this image on it.

you either like music, or you hate it.  someone either has impeccable music taste, or they are a musical fool.  musical bipolar-ism is cool, it’s trendy, and it’s one of the best way to let someone know how crappy their music is. And how much more yours ROCKS.   But just make sure that “nickelback” is ALWAYS on the “hate” list.

6) Sleeve tattoos.

nothing says “i was willing to put it all on the line for my musical passion” “or at least... i was more willing than YOU...” more than sleeve tattoos.  I mean: how does a person honestly compete with you when you have literally put your body on the line for your passions.  you don't HAVE to tell them that you actually got them when you were drunk, and they were inspired by “puff the magic dragon”.  all they have to know is that they are both still chained to the man, and listen to crappy music.

THERE.... just a couple steps to being a musical snob.  Next blog, I MIGHT go through how to be an ELITIST... depending if i think you are good enough.