recently, I have found that it’s popular for people to be depressed. Why else would we watch Paul Walker make movie after movie? why else would we want to make a vampire’s life depressing by giving him sparkly skin? (yes, I'm talking about YOU twilight). Just take a look at the V neck emo people. DEPRESSED, yet somehow still popular.
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| Team BLADE!!!! |
so: I, (William) who is obviously amazing at doing everything like:
ok: this is me hitting the abort button on those bullet points...
but i’m pretty awesome at bullet points... RIGHT?!?!?!
Anyways, i took it upon myself to grease my hair into a fo-hawk, wear a v-neck t-shirt, imagine i had sleeve tattoos that i was going to regret every day after whichever birthday i wished for a little maturity and common sense, and i was going to be the BEST DEPRESSED PERSON EVER. More depressed than a pirate without ninjas to kill. more depressed than a french guy working 40 hours a week. Even more depressed than Schmilliam’s dad, after he lost a game of bowling to a blind lady. I was even going to paint my fingernails black... but then i remembered that i was only trying to be depressed, not trying to be a girl.
I realized many things in this deep pit of endless weepy-ism. Things like: “wow, maybe if i wear glasses with non-prescription lenses i’ll be able to see through all the vanity in the world”. and “wow, the lead singer to Dashboard Confessional cries a lot... which is basically my runners high in this depression marathon”. but fear not, because there IS some logic down there, proved by the fact that even when I was depressed... Paul walker still sucked.
Then I stumbled upon this little fact that brought a little too much reality to this episode of mine. All those young whipper-snappers are not going to know about so many awesome things that every kid SHOULD know about. ninja turtles, thundercats, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, and most tragically STAR WARS.
Big sailor curse words began to flow from my mouth like wine and honey (and drool). little depressed punks would never know how menacing stormtroopers were to galactic freedom. they wouldn't know that when lightning shoots from your fingertips, it means you are trying to hurt a pesky Jedi (and you arent dying by electrocution). They wouldn't know a death star from a hole in the ground. this next generation that is going to be protecting my freedom doesnt even know what a death star is. and the politicians are expecting me to feel “safe” (and yes: i did use the hand motions for the quote/unquote).
I now have a new purpose. take advantage of people's ineptitude concerning He-Man, and steal the superhero group: “MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE”... and claim that i made it up. He-man must have had an ego the size of a battleship ready to reign down fiery death in order to call HIS group "M.O.T.U." ... and i like his style. it's MY awesome group now!!!
obviously I’m going to become quite eccentric with the wealth that i’ll amass selling memberships to my “new” awesome superhero group (doing things like making a monster truck out of my ford pinto, and FINALLY give the Trix rabbit his cereal... before this SAINT of a bunny finally snaps and goes postal on everyone who has deprived him of breakfast for all those years)...
- tearing up the dance floor with my hip/groovy robot dance moves
- chewing bubble gum AND walking...
- being able to sleep on my tummy AND back...
- being able to make up man points after using sissy words like “tummy” by hitting my hand with a hammer and laughing manically afterwards
- shooting guns, and backing up my other manly bullet points with MORE manly bullet points
- being so happy it’s depressing
- being so depressed its... (happy?... no no, that doesn't work... ummm: “so depressed its depressing?” no no... any fool couldave come up with that one... how about: “so depressed, that I have to do a play by play about my inability to come up with a good metaphor!” BAM! nailed it!!!)
- I WAS going to put “awesome at analogies that would even make a samurai giggle... but i’m having second thoughts after that last bullet point
- ok... these bullets are getting a little off topic now
- in all honesty: can you actually say that you WOULDN'T drive the Back To the Future Delorian car?
ok: this is me hitting the abort button on those bullet points...
but i’m pretty awesome at bullet points... RIGHT?!?!?!
Anyways, i took it upon myself to grease my hair into a fo-hawk, wear a v-neck t-shirt, imagine i had sleeve tattoos that i was going to regret every day after whichever birthday i wished for a little maturity and common sense, and i was going to be the BEST DEPRESSED PERSON EVER. More depressed than a pirate without ninjas to kill. more depressed than a french guy working 40 hours a week. Even more depressed than Schmilliam’s dad, after he lost a game of bowling to a blind lady. I was even going to paint my fingernails black... but then i remembered that i was only trying to be depressed, not trying to be a girl.
I realized many things in this deep pit of endless weepy-ism. Things like: “wow, maybe if i wear glasses with non-prescription lenses i’ll be able to see through all the vanity in the world”. and “wow, the lead singer to Dashboard Confessional cries a lot... which is basically my runners high in this depression marathon”. but fear not, because there IS some logic down there, proved by the fact that even when I was depressed... Paul walker still sucked.
Then I stumbled upon this little fact that brought a little too much reality to this episode of mine. All those young whipper-snappers are not going to know about so many awesome things that every kid SHOULD know about. ninja turtles, thundercats, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, and most tragically STAR WARS.
Big sailor curse words began to flow from my mouth like wine and honey (and drool). little depressed punks would never know how menacing stormtroopers were to galactic freedom. they wouldn't know that when lightning shoots from your fingertips, it means you are trying to hurt a pesky Jedi (and you arent dying by electrocution). They wouldn't know a death star from a hole in the ground. this next generation that is going to be protecting my freedom doesnt even know what a death star is. and the politicians are expecting me to feel “safe” (and yes: i did use the hand motions for the quote/unquote).
I now have a new purpose. take advantage of people's ineptitude concerning He-Man, and steal the superhero group: “MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE”... and claim that i made it up. He-man must have had an ego the size of a battleship ready to reign down fiery death in order to call HIS group "M.O.T.U." ... and i like his style. it's MY awesome group now!!!
obviously I’m going to become quite eccentric with the wealth that i’ll amass selling memberships to my “new” awesome superhero group (doing things like making a monster truck out of my ford pinto, and FINALLY give the Trix rabbit his cereal... before this SAINT of a bunny finally snaps and goes postal on everyone who has deprived him of breakfast for all those years)...
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| Join NOW!!! |
oh yeah: after doing all that, i’ll make it my OTHER goal to make Star Wars popular again.
my only problem is going to be: not sounding INSANE when describing a cute/fuzzy ewok, and how they were able to kill an army of stormtroopers which controlled the galaxy with an iron fist...
